I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
