That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
