in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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