i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize