Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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