walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
whose ass print is on the piano?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
