Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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