just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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