I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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