i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize