you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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