So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
