she was so not down for the gang bang
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
