he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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