And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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