That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
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But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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