My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
