They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
