I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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