Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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