Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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