It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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