don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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