You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
