I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
