dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
then he tried to convert me to islam
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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