How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize