We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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