do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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