The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
