you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
