Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
