I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize