i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
