No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
