I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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