My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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