As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize