at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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