3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
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