You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You were trust falling into bushes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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