i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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