quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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