threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
