you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
