If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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