I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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