I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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