I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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