My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
