I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
