I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
