somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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