I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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