Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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