Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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