she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize