he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
