I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We had sex on a dog bed..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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