i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
