meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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