he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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