I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
