New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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